August 12, 2012 -- School is starting and I feel the big old BLAHHHHSSSS
Tonight I'm sitting here thinking of all of all of the mamas. School is starting---- this is a challenging time for everyone. Ya'll know me... So let's just put it out there....
If your child died as a grownup, we think back to those "starting school moments"--- These are precious but painful memories that create stabs in our heart.
If your child died as a teen or a preteen, we are feeling that painful longing for their presence. We miss what we SHOULD be experiencing. Taking them to college and settling them in the dorm room, taking the first day of school pictures, and meet the teacher night. This is just a smidgen of what we miss.
For those who have lost babies, it's actually just as sorrowful because it's a time of new beginnings in school and family presence. There is the constant "what might have beens" that are being felt.
So as y'all are reading this email, you are thinking, "Thanks Pamela for the uplifting message! Like WE didn't KNOW this!!"
Actually, the point behind this email is to recognize that this TIME in the year is HARD! It's not a holiday but it's important to know why we may be in a funk.
Now we all know.... Who WANTS to grieve?!?! Not ANYONE!! As a reminder, there is grace and healing to be found in these points of sorrow. Know that our lives are filled with points of sorrow and we should LEARN from them. See-- our children didn't just breeze in and out of our lives without an impact! WE of all people know this!!! Their impact has VALUE!!! Don't just pretend that this time of the year doesn't happen.... Recognize that it's ok to remember and to cry and think. Journal all that you are thinking because that's what is important..... One day it won't hurt quite so bad.... This I promise. At least when you do your grief work.
After you spend time reflecting on your child and what is missing, spend time reflecting on your blessings. Look at the simple pleasures that are around you. Breathe deeply. Stretch your muscles and your body and take care of YOU!
I'm proud of EACH one of your for getting out of bed and continuing to move -- even when you don't want to. This time of year too shall pass.
We can't lay down and give up because people and children are counting on us... Actually it's my personal belief that we CAN'T lay down because we MUST carry on at the VERY LEAST for our children that aren't living on this earth any more.
Heaven is a real place and I am thankful every day for this truth.
One more note... From the book Grieving Forward:
One of my favorite sayings is "It’s hard to see God’s perspective when your heart has been plowed by pain. But broken fields are where seeds of hope grow best. As they grow, one day you will realize that your sorrow has not escaped God’s watchful eyes - and that "heart-shattered lives ready for love/ don’t for a moment escape God’s notice." (Psalm 51:17 The Message) As you journey toward healing, embrace His reflections of grace as a reassuring message that He is still in charge, still on call, and still listening to your cries for help. You are not alone as you step into tomorrow. "He sees everything I do and every step I take." Job 31:4 NLT I hope that you feel the promise of life.
Blessings to each of you... Text or email if you feel like it...
Until our next mamas meeting...