Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Looking back at ourselves and writing

August 28, 2012  Looking back ourselves and writing advice for others

This has been an interesting week with a LOT of reflection personally for myself. Last weekend I was a nurse at Camp Healing Tree and had a BLAST! Truly, it was so much fun to laugh and play with the kids. I also carved out quiet time for reading and prayer. I reflected sooo much!! Mostly reflected Friday before camp and Sunday after camp... I played most of the weekend.

Monday I found out that a friend of a friend in Dallas lost her child to cancer. I was asked to send the notes that Tricia and I have written on how to survive your child's funeral-- to help other families.

Today- Wednesday- I found out that a teenage friend of the Fulkersons died last night.

All of these children's deaths--- what a strange world that has been revealed to us all! ...where children die and the children left are exposed to extraordinary grief at an entirely young age... Where our babies were ripped from us and we stop being who we were... Where families that were once intact struggle to super glue the pieces back together.... Where people feel hollow and lost in this dark foreign land where they don't speak the language.... Where our faith is questioned and strengthened and everything that is important in this world is back to the basics.... Where we lay in bed at night and wonder - is this a nightmare?!

At least that's how I felt for a LONG time.... I still do at times. I've said for years that if there is a DNA changing event or a fingerprint changing event, it is what happens when your child dies. Girlies... My Logan's death shook me to my core. I didn't sleep for nine months and people couldn't look at me because they couldn't stand the sorrow on this normally perky face.

It took a LONG TIME and a LONG journey and LOTS of grief work to arrive at this comfortable content place that I live in now (MOST of the time). Everyone has a DIFFERENT way out... The only promise that I can make to each of you is... Where you are now, you will not always be.

One BIG part of my own personal journey was helping others. I have started a fund at the Hendricks Community Foundation. The Logan's Legacy Fund. In the beginning, helping disadvantaged children gave me such great pleasure. It still does. NOW I don't NEED that specifically. Someone else is actually managing the inner workings of it now - I'm TOO BUSY at the present! Tee hee hee!! Anyway, the point that I'm trying to make is that reaching beyond our grief to help others gave ME IMMENSE pleasure. It STILL DOES...

So this is important girlies.... In your mind, go back to that HORRIBLE day of the funeral or visitation and remember. What did you NOT have that would have been helpful? Look at the following document. This is something I would like to share with NEW MAMAS when asked... Only when asked. To help them as they start this journey... To hold their hands.

I remember getting dressed for that visitation and I was so very afraid. I had not been to many funerals in my life and I had no idea what to do... How I was EVER going to make it.... Much less what pitfalls that were ahead of me. I sadly didn't even think about preparing my children. I was in my own fog and shock and didn't even THINK about my children. That's embarrassing to say.... Yep. I failed. Many times. Hindsight is 20/20.

So look back in time and think about how to HELP OTHERS.... New mamas. This is an important piece of information girls...

Email me back with ANY suggestions. Seriously. I want WORDS! Not "looks fine... Blah blah blah". Think about yourself and what would have improved that horrible day. Let's make it better for those that follow us girlies.... Let's take a leap and try to Grieve Forward....

Hugs to you my friends...

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