Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Changes over time...

After Logan died, I was really sensitive to noise. I put my feet on the floor and went to work but when at home, I needed a large dose of quiet. My energy level was very very low and I didn't have the attention span to read. That was really unusual for me because I was an avid reader prior to Logan's death. So what did I do? I just sat. Quietly. Alone at home on my day off. I just couldn't hear noise and I just needed to sit. I then began to watch tv. Oh-- but I couldn't stand the noises so picture this-- Pamela sitting on the couch watching tv with the mute button on and the words running across the screen. I didn't wanna feel so alone so the tv fulfilled my need for diversion and the mute button allowed the quiet.

Each of us have different NEEDS as we are going through the PROCESS of grief. One thing that is certain.... We now are different than before!

Before he died, I enjoyed cooking and entertaining. I was actively involved in my children and friends lives. I enjoyed reading books and gardening. I loved my job as a registered nurse in a preop and post op setting.

Immediately afterwards, I couldn't cook. I just couldn't do it. There was no way that I could think of entertaining. I couldn't stop thinking of the changes in my present and I was unable to really listen and interact with my living children as I had before. I couldn't get through a magazine article much less read the books that people gave me - even on grief. My job as a nurse and my self confidence was significantly changed.

That was then... I can tell you that this WAS THEN. I still AM different. I'm very different. I have different interests but I have returned to some of those interests that I enjoyed before. For a while I began to personally find healing in gardening and really looking at the flowers up close - as Gods handiwork. I now enjoy cooking on occasion and planning parties for other friends events. Honestly, the party planning allows me to feel in control again. Anything that gives you structured thinking with a defined outcome can give you control. As for my nursing, the immediate positive feedback from patients was very nurturing for ME! Additionally, it took several critical situations in which I demonstrated to myself my abilities for that self confidence to return.

The POINT of all of these words words words.... Everyone is in a different place with your INDIVIDUAL grief.

Keep up with the goal of putting your feet on your floor. Everyday. Go to bed on time. Wake up and get out of bed. Adapt a routine. But EMBRACE the understanding and goal of REDEFINING NORMAL. It is slow. As I stated, before I was one person. Afterwards I was totally different. Then slowly I began to redefine normal to now be even more changed. Now my "new normal" is fairly comfortable for me.

The one thing I can say- where you are now, you will not always be. Hang in there girlies.

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