Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Mamas and our babies

I call all of the women in this "club" a mama. So what makes a mama? Anyone who has lost a child. I know a 70 year old woman who has lost her 40 year old child. I know a 23 year old who lost her infant. There are lots of mamas who lose their teenaged children. I also know several mamas who have lost their 30 year old babies.

You say "babies"? YES! I don't care how old our children are, they are still our babies. I call my 26 year old tall handsome married son my baby as well as my almost 20 year old daughter who is in the Navy.

"The Compassionate Friends, Inc., deduces from government reports that deaths from pre-birth through young adults is close to a million annually, leaving nearly two million bereaved parents every year". This is per "Surviving the Loss of a Child" by Elizabeth Brown. Wow! Two million bereaved parents a year?!? This club is one that NO one desires to join but there are a LOT of us!!!!

If you are a parent, every time your child's birthday pops around, you remember when you went into labor and the day that baby was born. THIS is normal and natural for all children, whether they are living or have passed to the other side. We walk through that day and if they are living, we smile. If they have passed, we shake and are often foggy.

It is still important and normal to remember the child's birth. THIS is normal! In my case, while I was being induced into labor, Kathie Lee and Regis announced that Sammy Davis Jr. and Jim Henson had died. I never put this in Logan's baby book. It was too SAD to think of the people dying when my baby was coming into this world for LIFE. The creator of the muppets died when my Logan was born.

We separate ourselves from death as much as we can. At least I did. (Even though I was a hospice nurse in my past.) Unless in a professional setting... That was "safe." I think that most of us do this. Distance!!! Safe!!

When my big 17 year old boy died, my girlfriend and coworker Jeanna was there in the Emergency Room with me. She said - "Should I call Cindy?" Cindy was my manager at work. I said - "No. She lives too far away. Call Mary because she will know what to do." I didn't really GET the seriousness of it and Mary had lost an adult child two years before me. I was subconsciously designating Mary at that very moment to be my personal guide....In those first few minutes after my child's last breath. Oh--- as an FYI--- we called Cindy too. :). Mary is still a calm grounded resource for me personally and I REALLY value her honesty, guidance, and mentoring (in many areas of my life.) I've heard from many other mamas that sought out advice and guidance from people who have walked before us. We want HOPE that the pain will lessen. We want direction on how to get out of this nightmare. Sparks of light. HOPE. There is HOPE.

"He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." 2 Corinthians 1:4. The message version.

Back to being a mama and birthdays.... This was my fb post on my Logan's last birthday in May:
"When a child comes into this world, we celebrate their birth and birthdays. When a child dies, their birthday is still precious. It is the life we celebrate and the memories. The memory of smiles and laughter and silliness are there every day... The whispers of their absence are also felt daily. Birthdays mark time--- the length of time away is getting longer. Four years ten months and twenty three days since I've heard your voice and touched your face. Today I celebrate the life and ponder the "what might have beens".... Of my middle child Logan. His 22 birthday but forever 17."

So know that I mention "mamas" and your "child". That doesn't mean necessarily a baby. Once a mama, always a mama.

Since beginning this public blog a short time ago, you guys have been rather quiet. Please feel free to contact me privately with questions or comments via email. I'll work hard to find the answer.

I'll end with... "Where you are now, you will not always be." THIS is a promise to you! More on THAT later.

Blessings to each of my mama friends.


1 comment:

  1. Jamie will always be my 21 yr old baby girl.. Its only been 7 months and have many more firsts without her. The Holidays were bad, her BD was just after Thanksgiving then Christmas, to tough for anyone to go through. Just hope every day is easier.. I will probably still cry every day.. I just miss every thing about her..