Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Getting ready for the birthday.

I've written about sorrow to the depths of my soul. I've written about "holding on" and putting your feet on the floor and walking through your grief. I've written about the contentment that you can eventually feel when you do your "grief work."

This week I'm writing about it being a mixed bag of emotions. I try to write for the public about a variety of perspectives and using my experience only as an example. The purpose of this blog isn't about ME and my loss. This week, I want to let you know more.

My son who died (weird words huh?) will have his 23rd birthday on may 16. I know that this will be a challenging time for me-- as it SHOULD be! I did HAVE this child and I had the pleasure and frustration (keeping it real!!) of raising him until he was 17.

I've actually already written my post for next week. I've been unintentionally foggy toooooo much on his birthday. Last year I scheduled myself to work. By about 10 am I had to confess to my dear coworker my challenge and she helped with my fogginess and tasks.

See-- think about this girls. Some days we know are gonna sink... I'm PLANNING.

This year I'll be spending the first year -in very many years - on mothers day with my mama and daddy in Louisiana. I have taken the next week (during Logan's birthday) to travel with them to San Francisco on vacation. I sigh as I wonder if I'll be able to think and smile and enjoy the PRESENT as I spent time with my folks. I hope so but idk... In the past on his birthday I've behaved a variety of different ways.... Staying home alone in the quiet darkness of my thoughts. Last year I unfortunately worked, as I previously described. So far Logan's day of birth has stunk since he died.

Why am I going to SF that week, you ask?! Because I am CHOOSING to honor his LIFE and his MEMORY by trying to LIVE. I may be a messed up crazy person that day-- who knows?! I'll probably have a sobbing episode at some point- but that's ok, he deserves that too. Most importantly, Logan would want me to live and stop tolerating and marking away the holidays and painful days with a big sigh.

Thank you for listening to my plans of how I'm going to deal with the horrible holiday Mother's Day and my deceased sons birthday. :))

I'll let y'all know how it goes girlies.... As a side note, I thoroughly enjoy your emails and private comments. Keep them coming.

Keep putting your tootsies on the floor. Every single day. Hugs to each and every one of you. If I can do this, YOU can do this! Hugs hugs hugs....

Pamela.

Ps- On a side note- I've written a private and extremely personal note to those who request it. I refuse to publish it at this time. It's about a surprise gift that I received five years ago. Pop me an email if you wanna read one of the first step in my healing. holeheartedmamas@gmail.com. Just say - extra note- and I'll send it. :)))


1 comment:

  1. thanks for sharing your strength and sadness, your honesty is comforting

    ReplyDelete