Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Monday, August 12, 2013

My "Smell Memory"

This weekend I was at a friends house and I was hungry.  As I looked through the freezer, I noticed frozen breakfast pizzas.  This is not a normal item at ALL in my diet, but I was hungry and it sounded good.  As the smells wafted from the microwave, I began to have surprisingly strong but pleasant memories of my Logan. The smell made me smile.  At one point, he was obsessed with these breakfast pizzas and would eat several a day, if I didn't watch him!  This "smell memory" was very powerful.  It was pleasantly nostalgic.  Almost comforting.  I really had forgotten about this little piece of powerful trivia until I experienced this "smell memory."
The most powerful memories are associated with our senses.... what we see, hear, taste, feel, and smell.  Negative memories as well as positive memories.  As a person who has experienced great loss, initially I most commonly felt the pangs of the negative memories associated with my child's death.  I refuse to say "time" makes it better - because "time" alone does not create healing.  "Time" plus doing your grief work is what allows true healing to occur.
After the passage of July... the anniversary of my child's death... I am once again able to focus on the positive memories of my child.  Of his life.  Not just his death.  The way that he died no longer defines my son.  The way that he LIVED does... FINALLY, again. 
We can easily associate a negative memory with each of our senses.  My challenge for you today is to look at each sense and remember a positive memory of your child.  Now you know my "smell" memory! 
Girls... please be kind to yourself and remember that grief is a process. It is perfectly acceptable and natural to have our thoughts remain overwhelmingly toward the way that they died for a very long time.  I'll say this again... Grief is a PROCESS!  NOT an EVENT!  Recognize each little milestone along the way as you slowly see light along the journey. 


The Dash – by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning..to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears, 1964-1994
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth..
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars..the house..the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you”d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what”s true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we”ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy”s being read
With your life”s actions to rehash..
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

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