Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Top Ten Things NOT To Say...

Read this very insightful article written by my teenage friend Alli. Alli's brother Garrett was suddenly ripped from her family's life three years ago. I'm so very proud of her as she has worked very hard to deal with the challenges that were suddenly tossed in front of her. 

Allie has a solid grasp on knowledge that we can ALL use.... The top ten things Not to say!   I honor Alli for who she is and how she has been redefining normal in her life!  

Hugs to Alli and each of you!

Alli writes:

Time heals everything 
Your loved one is in a better place 
I know how you feel
Everything will be okay 
It all happened for the best
It's time to put this behind you 
Be strong
Move on 
At least he or she didn't suffer 
Don't cry

That is my top 10 list of things that I hate to hear. A lot of people do not know what to say when someone close to you dies. It's hard for teenagers to hear these things. My brother past away when I was 13 and he was 17. There are a lot of things people told me that I did not want to hear and it hurt me to have people saying them to me. 

The one thing I heard the most is that time heals everything. I have to say that  time does not heal everything. My brother passed away on June 23, 2010. It's been 3 years since the accident and time does NOT heal everything. The past 3 years have been the hardest years of my life. 
In these last 3 years I have learned more about myself then I ever have before. 

Time does not heal everything but time DOES make things easier. In the last few months I have been learning what my new life looks like without my brother. Redefining a normal life without one your loved one can be really hard and a lot of work, but it is possible. 

When someone tells you,  "It's time to put this behind you," it's hard  to hear. When you are ready to move on then you will. Don't let other people make that decision for you. You will never completely move on, but you will learn how to cope with the loss of your loved one.

I want other teenagers who have lost a loved one to know that they are not alone in this long grieving journey and that no one has the right to tell you what you should be feeling.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Pop tarts and the Grief Dance

The unexpected moments of missing our children will knock us over. I'm visiting my son, daughter in law, and my little grand baby in Tennessee. My son and I popped into a grocery store. As a single gal living alone, my dietary habits are pretty consistent as are my grocery store habits. As I was browsing through the store, I noticed a pop tart display.  When I looked at it closer, I saw that they were Pumpkin Pie Poptarts. My breath was knocked away as I remembered that my Logan LOVED Poptarts and also loved Pumpkin Pie. I gasped out loud and quickly went to another aisle as I felt a wave of nausea.  My son was puzzled as I had gentle tears in my eyes.  

It wasn't the memory of Logan that caught me off guard...  It was the fact that time and the world has continued to move along without him. 

I share these personal stories with you because it's important that you know that these thoughts and feelings and surprises are a commonality that we share. 

As we continue to "grieve forward", its also important to know that "forward" isn't always a linear path. Three steps forward and two steps back....  Try to seek out beauty along this path as we make the forward and backward path. 

I was able to remember the beauty of my personal  "grief dance" and surprise later when I remembered a specific visual memory of Logan eating an entire pumpkin pie. 

Hugs friends....
Pamela Parker