Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Doodling....

I'm a doodler from way back.  When I was a teen I doodled and doodled all over everything. 

I recently saw a report on CBS Sunday morning about doodling and doodlers. Apparently research shows that it helps us focus and work through difficult issues. Hmmmm. It engages the mind to allow us to think.

"Think about a mindless drawing as a way to take all of those things that distract you, all of those subjects that you ruminate on, and clearing them away and opening this space where information can get in.  Doodling is the attentional sweet spot."

Well, sign me UP!  Let's clear out my little tee tiny brain!!  I pulled up my Pinterest app and found many cool doodles. I snapped pictures of the most interesting ones that considered replicating. I pulled out my large drawing pad and I glanced back and forth at the photo that I had copied on my phone. I tried to make the exact drawing but I was struggling.  It didn't look the same!  I wanted it to look and be the SAME!   This seemed FORCED.   The more I tried to make the curves and squiggles look like the photograph, the more it looked absurd and the more frustrated I became. 

Then I did something that even surprised me--  I grabbed my big rubber eraser and erased it all!  I thought--  if I'm going to doodle, I'm going to do it my way!  It was impossible to COPY a doodle. The purpose of doodling is to be free flowing, NOT structured. 

So I began drawing independently. Squiggles and curls. Shading smidgens here and there. Eventually I had enough confidence to put pen on to the paper and not use pencil. It began to feel natural and relaxing. It was MINE.... Not a copy.  Is it a masterpiece?  Hardly!!  

I realized that we often try to replicate others grief walk as well. That doesn't work EITHER!  Grief has an individual fingerprint and YOU have your OWN way to the other side of the darkness. I can tell you what has worked for me, but to try to replicate my journey would be impossible for you. Plus-- I want you to avoid the specific pitfalls that I encountered. That's one of the purposes of this blog. :)

Wouldn't it be nice to have an answer to the question that I repetitively  asked EVERYONE in the early years....  "What can we DO to get out of this horrible place?!  How do we go on and relearn how to LIVE again?!"  I needed to do SOMETHING to make it better. 

The answer isn't simple --  and you've heard me state this multiple times. 

You must learn to redefine normal. For you and your family. You will redefine normal.... Whether you purposely do this or not. 

How this occurs is different for each of us. Individual. Just like a doodle. My doodle is NOT perfect. It's off centered and I didn't follow the rules. But it fit my needs when I did it.  We each have our own path...  But there is hope for a future in the darkness. THIS I promise, my dear friends. 

Pamela Parker 
Holeheartedmamas@gmail.com












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