Today I took a long walk on the trails near my home. It looked like winter but sounded like spring. The birds were twittering loudly and I felt the warmth of the sun on my face.
Soon spring will emerge and we will begin to see new life all around us. People leave their homes to venture outside. Birds twitter everywhere. Baby squirrels will fill my backyard.
I've always enjoyed spring.... Well, almost always. After the death of my son, I found that the changes of the seasons could often be challenging. That sounds so odd, doesn't it? To not really enjoy the newness of spring? EVERYONE, it seems, is happy during springtime. I wasn't happy. I was still stuck in the winter of my grief and in my life. I wasn't really ready for the birds to be twittering and to be faced with so much... joy. Grrrrrr.
It has been 7 years and almost 8 months since my Logan died. I firmly believe that "time" does not make grief better. Instead, I believe that it is what you "do" with that time that creates a path towards healing. I believe you must do your grief work in order to move forward.
When I speak about grief, I often mention that there are seasons in your grief. One of the seasons that I often mention is winter. It is cold and has very little sunlight. It is often a dark (physically and metaphorically) time of our lives. It does has an important purpose. Winter allows us the opportunity to be still.... ponder..... and think while we nest in our homes. It is a time for healing and restoring our souls.
Anyway-- today I felt the sun on my face and a lift in my spirit when I heard those birds while I took that long walk. Several years ago it would not have felt as refreshing.
Be patient with yourselves as this season of winter comes to a close and spring begins. The calendar of seasons moves FAR FASTER than the seasons of grief. When you feel grumpy, breathe and stretch. Grievers do not accept change as well as we have in the past.
One final note-- my new home is near the Indianapolis Colts Practice facility. My son Logan was a gigantic Colts fan. I smiled when I walked behind this large blue building with a painted horseshoe. HE would be so very proud of me for pushing forward -- after the horrific devastation of losing a child. The seasons of grief can change, girls. I promise that they can.
Know and believe that it IS possible to have joy again. Hang in there girls. Be patient with yourselves....
