This is my second attempt at Christmas. Last year, after many years of "skipping Christmas", I decided to put up a tree. Why? I didn't wanna be "nana Scrooge" to my grand babies. Two close friends came to my house and walked me through the painful task of sorting through Christmas decorations and ornaments. They listened to me curse the holidays and cried with me as I sat on the floor weeping.
Christmas used to be different. I made ornaments for coworkers, candy and cookies with my children, and created memories by reading the Advent Book. I was the typical American mom. That was before...
Then Logan died. We created many special things that first year or two, and then the next wave of secondary losses began to occur.
For five years I avoided Christmas...At least I tried.
Today I had an "ah ha moment." I sat and listened to my pregnant daughter tell her husband about her favorite Christmas memories. "Remember those candies that you made that we all loved?" I smiled as I listened to her reminisce. My daughter explained "we paused Christmas for a few years."
Today is no longer about the child and brother that was lost and the painful memories of a family's future that was irrevocably changed.
Today we turned the page.
My children deserve this new era of creating new memories... with husbands and babies and laughter and Santa. My children deserve this new era- This new era of Christmas future.
