On that traumatic day when Logan was buried, I distinctly remember a plea from a close friend during a private moment- "Promise me that you will not let this change you. Do not let this make you bitter". Although I was emotionally and physically numb, I listened to the urgency in her voice. My only response was - "Ok."
I have become acutely aware that horrible things eventually happen to everyone. It has been 9 and a half years since my Logan died in front of me. My life has taken many tragic and unreversable turns since that day. I certainly have wept more than I could ever have imagined was possible.
Anyone in the first stages of losing a child will often wonder how you can possibly live without constantly sitting on the floor and sobbing. Fortunately, this is now a rare occurrence for me.
The day after my meltdown, I had the honor of caring for a patient who is in the end stages of her metastatic cancer. She is my age. Her smile, words, and gratitude touched me. This patient unknowingly redirected me towards my usual perspective.
Life on this earth is short. Celebrate. Celebrate every day. Celebrate everything.
My grief for him has slowly changed as I now strive to honor him with my actions and my attitude of gratitude. The loss of my child has finally allowed me to more fully recognize my blessings.