Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Friday, February 1, 2019

What Time Does Not Heal

My friend Erica wrote this blog article today and has agreed to all for me to share. I first met Erica a few years ago when she sang at our Annual Infant Loss Ceremony. She wrote the following song to remember her son Braden.  The songs lyrics and her angelic voice resonate deeply for me.  As of today, there have been over one million people listen to it on the following YouTube video. “Hug Him Once For Me.”  After listening to the song, read and connect with Erica’s thoughts below.

https://youtu.be/IBHEJtqKjkk

Because I no longer have my blog, I decided to share my heart here tonight. Please know that what I am about to share is very raw, very personal, and not intended to sound as though I am one without hope. I know that one day I WILL go to my son and see him again and we will be together forever. I would NOT bring him back from Heaven today if I could! But allow me some grace, as I am still a mother with longings just as yours. I write this tonight for those of you who have lost children, long ago or yesterday. I write this tonight for those of you who have never lost, but desire to empathize with those who have. I write this tonight for those of you who want to love on people but don't know what to say or do. I write this tonight to honor the memory of my precious, Braden Clark McClure.

Eleven years ago today, I entered Hayes Green Beach Hospital in Charlotte, MI for a scheduled induction at 39 weeks. Braden was clearly going to be a big baby, and I had previously had a shoulder dystocia with Mariah, that they feared would happen again. So with much excitement and anticipation we went in ready to meet this little fella! It did not take long at all before Braden made his grand appearance at a whopping 8 lbs and 14 ounces a WEEK EARLY!!! He too was born with the shoulder dystocia and so he looked like he had been in a boxing match when I first got the joy of holding him! I had loved him from the moment I knew I was pregnant with him, but holding him in my arms took it to yet another level. Little did I know that day that I would have such a short amount of time with this beautiful baby boy. I could share much more of the story of how it came about, but for sake of the purpose of this story tonight, I will fast forward to 5 1/2 months later. We had just got pictures done that week. Just had his vaccinations, and that Friday, he laid down for the last time here on earth and woke up in Glory. Fast forward now to today, January 31, 2019. Braden's 11th Birthday. What did we do? Well we have always made it a point to keep Braden's memory alive. We celebrate and talk openly about him with our other children. We look at pictures, and have them hanging in our home. Today, we took the kids to his grave to meet their dad and allow for a balloon release and lunch celebration with him and Michelle. We took them to the store to pick out gifts for their brother. We always do this, and every single time for me is the same. I walk in with anticipation of what I can get to shower my love on my little boy. And every single time, I walk down the birthday party isle. I see all of the things I WOULD be buying if he were here. I think what would be his theme? What would he love? It brings tears to my eyes, and I press on listening to my other children with excitement saying what we should pick out! I walk on to the toy isle and tell everyone to pick what they want to take to the grave, only to have to tell them no on so many things because they won't "stand up to the elements." I leave and walk through some isles alone choking back hot tears that want to flow down my face. Thinking, "It's not fair. I shouldn't have to try to figure out what can hold up in the winter, what can withstand the water, what is the right size, what won't blow away. I should be watching my son open birthday gifts that any 11 year old boy would open!" But outside I breathe, turn the corner to see my precious children figuring out what they think their brother would just LOVE to have. Their brother that they can only imagine and picture as a 5 1/2 month old baby that they see in the pictures, not an 11 year old ray of sunshine they could play with. We choose our items and take them to the graveside. We bake a cake and light candles and sing to Braden. And I listen to my children say, "Who will blow out the candles?" And as innocent as they are, it literally rips my heart in two knowing that it SHOULD be Braden blowing out the candles, but I respond, you all can!! We look through Braden's memory book and read poems and letters and look at pictures. I answer every question they ask me. I tell them stories about Braden. And I watch as they sweetly try to encourage me and love their brother that all but one of them have never met. And inside, as I do every single day, I wonder what Braden would be like. What he would look like. What he would enjoy. What he would sound like. And then I stop, realizing, I will never know the answer to that question. I allow my heart to ache. I allow the tears to flow. And I go to bed, to know that I will wake tomorrow, not having the pain gone just because his birthday is over, but that I will live with this trial the rest of my days on earth. It's been 11 years and I am still experiencing firsts. This year I experienced the first time three friends didn't say a word about Braden's birthday. I experienced not hearing from many of my family who normally acknowledge this day. Firsts are not always a good thing. Not always an easy thing. As I stated in the beginning, I do not mourn as one without hope, for I know that I will see him again. But please know that 11 minutes, 11 hours, 11 days, 11 weeks, 11 years, the heartache does not change. I still lost a son. One that is not replaced no matter how many children I have. One that mattered to me then and matters to me still. #Happybirthdaybaby #Iloveyoutothemoonandback

https://youtu.be/IBHEJtqKjkk

1 comment:

  1. What a precious post. Thx for sharing your heart. Such a cute baby pic, too. I can imagine you’re so glad to have that photo.

    ReplyDelete