Welcome to Hope for Grieving Mothers

If you are new to this club (that no one asked to join- the one where your child has died), it is best to start by going to the BOTTOM RIGHT and look at the "Pages" section. Under this section you will find resources for mothers who are grieving the loss of their child. Resources to help your children deal with grief are also grouped together.

Next, feel free to look at the "Blog Archives." There are many topics that you may have an interest in reading. As you girlies know, we now have Teflon brains and often cannot have the focus power that we have had in the past. Feel free to come here often and hopefully you will FEEL the loving support that me and other mamas are sending. Hopefully you will begin to see sparks of hope for your future...

Hugs... Pamela

Returning to work.

Returning to Work

Going back to work can be a positive thing. It gives you a routine
which can be comforting. Routines provide comfort because they give
us a bit of control back into our life.

This is a marathon... not a sprint. It will be a tiring week.
Prepare yourself. Conserve your energy. If friends offer to bring a
meal for your family for you to bake at home, TAKE them up on the
offer!!
Lay your clothing out the night before. Everything. Be as prepared
as you can.
Doing a dry run beforehand is always wise. That gives everyone an opportunity to say "I'm sorry"
Eat a small meal with protein before work.
Bring almonds and water to drink. You may not notice blood sugar
changes like you have in the past.
Set your timer on your phone or watch for a five minute break every
hour. Go to a QUIET safe place ALONE to breathe... look at your watch
and breathe for at least two minutes. Slow deep breaths. It'll slow
your heart rate down. Next week you may can go to every two hours.
Listen to your body. Your brain will need a little mini break.
Anxiety at times is normal. Your heart may begin to race for no
reason. When you feel this happening, go to a safe place and
breathe... one, two, three IN; one, two, three OUT. Do this for at
least a minute and maybe two. Your heart will automatically begin to
slow down.
The same holds true with tears. You have learned by now that tears
won't melt you! The will come up like lava from a volcano when you
least expect it. Use the same "plan" to SLOWLY excuse yourself and go
to a safe place and breathe. Then wipe your face and press the "reset
button." Try again. It takes many "resets" sometimes. This does NOT
indicate failure... it indicates that you are TRYING!! This is HARD
Stuff!!! If anyone complains, tell them your baby was RIPPED from you
and you are trying to live through this trauma. True words. You are
a survivor... You CAN DO THIS!!!!!
In a public setting, you need to be prepared for people to ask
you "how many children do you have." This is common and prepare a
"stock answer". I suggest something to the affect of "I have two
girls. How many children do you have?" Then practice
the smile that follows... You know the smile. Regardless, the first
time it will shock you and you will probably cry. It is normal and
part of it... It gets easier though.
Textural things are healing. Put something in your pocket or wear a
necklace that you can rub. Do this when you are anxious. You will be
anxious. ALL of these feelings are NATURAL!!
Have your supervisor explain to your coworkers that you are still the
same person... but may need space... but maybe not. They should NOT
be afraid to mention your beautiful child!  They didn't disappear...
They existed here and will live in your heart FOREVER and will impact
your daily existence FOREVER.
Coworkers won't know what to say to you. You are going to make them
nervous. In fact, in reality, you are living their worst night mare.
Be patient with THEM... they want to show you compassion but many will
not know how. Take all of the words that they say for what they are
intended... to comfort you.
People may want to "cheer you up" or make you laugh. The sight of
your sad eyes will be hard for them to see and understand... and look
at. Know that their intentions are sweet but that laughter won't
necessarily make you feel better. It's nice that they try though...
Our society thinks of grief as a horrible tragic event. That's not
entirely true... it's a long long long process. Each person has their
own path out of the darkness as they begin to redefine a new normal in
their life. Four months from now, many will look at you and think
"What is WRONG with her?" People have short memories. They just
won't understand... they CAN'T... and truthfully the only way they can
is for them to go through it... and we wouldn't wish this on any
person.
Every week you will be clearer. You won't really think so but you
will clear up. The fog will slowly lift to a new form of
reality........
You really are strong. Keep putting those feet on the floor.

Silently cheering you on in the sidelines! Text or call me if you
need me. I would say "Good Luck" but you are going to do just fine...

Feel free to forward this to your supervisor so she understands a bit
more. It may help her better understand your world, which would be
good for you.

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